LOOK, I GOT A KISS FROM MY GODSON, CHUCK BASS POTTER!!!!



HE IS A BEAUTIFUL LITTLE BOY.

WELL, I'VE COME HOME FROM WORK EARLY. MAD-EYE FORCED ME OFF ON ACCOUNT OF THE EXTREME FUCKERY OF MY MUM. AND NOW I'M HOME WEEPING INTO MY BOURBON LIKE I'M CHO OR SOMETHING [DON'T REMIND ME THAT HRY CALLED ME CHO SR. YESTERDAY, DON'T REMIND ME. I DON'T WANT TO BE REMINDED OF YESTERDAY, WHEN THINGS GOT BETTER AND I ALMOST REMARRIED MY PRAT OF A HUSBAND AND ALL BEFORE MY EVIL COW OF A MUM SHOWED UP. AGAIN. AND RUINED EVERYTHING.

I'LL BE MOVING BACK TO THE PLANTATION AS SOON AS I'VE FINISHED THIS BOTTLE. THANK GOD SIRIUS AND THE TWINS ARE SUCH AMAZING BABYSITTERS. THEY HAVEN'T ONCE LET TEDDY INTO THE WOLFSBANE.

OR PITCHED THEMSELVES DOWN THE STAIRS.

OR SHAGGED MY MUM.

*WEEPS*

I AM SO PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THAT I AM A COUSIN, AGAIN.



THIS IS MY DEAR NEW LITTLE COUSIN WALLBURGA SAILOR LEE GEORGE BLACK SNAPE JNR.

DRACO AND I HAVE BEEN ALONE FOR ALL THESE YEARS AND NOW WE HAVE LITTLE WALLBURGER TO JOIN US! IT IS SUCH A HAPPY DAY FOR AUNT BELLATRIX AND HER... HER, UM, SNAPE.

WE ARE ALL THRILLED FOR YOU TWO, AND LITTLE WALL-E IS JUST BEAUTIFUL.

YAY!

THERE IS A LOT OF SHIT I CAN TAKE FROM MY WEREWOLF HUSBAND, BUT SINCE I FOUND OUT YESTERDAY HE WAS SHAGGING MY MUM SILLY, TEDDY AND I HAVE LEFT HIS SORRY (OLD, POOR AND "DANGEROUS") WHOREISH ARSE AND ARE NOW LIVING AT THE EMO-WEED PLANTATION HOUSE WITH MY COUSIN, SIRIUS, AND A HOST OF OTHER PEOPLE.

THERE IS ALWAYS AN ORGY IN FULL SWING HERE. AND PLENTY OF ALCOHOL.

I AM ALSO STAYING SOME OF THE TIME WITH HERMIONE AND RON, YOU KNOW, TO KEEP THE BABY AWAY FROM THE CONSTANT DRUNKEN ORGY-NESS OF IT ALL. PLUS, HERMIONE'S PRETTY FUCKING AWESOME.

SO UNTIL TEDDY AND I FIND A PLACE OF OUR OWN TO STAY, THAT IS WHERE WE'LL BE.

IF YOU DROP BY TO VISIT, BE SURE TO WEAR A VERY LARGE AND AWESOME HAT.

WOTCHER, BITCHEZ.

I AM ON AIM NOW. XDORATHEAURORX.

SO YOU CAN FIND ME IN THE CLUB, IF YOU'RE INTO GETTING RUBBED.

IF YOU WANT TO KISS THE SKY, YOU'D BETTER LEARN HOW TO KNEEL.

BECAUSE I AM NYMPHA-FUCKING-DORA TONKS. I KICK IT OLD SCHOOL HUFFLEPUFF, THE WAY IT'S MEANT TO BE PLAYED.

HAS ANYONE SEEN MY SON? OR MY NOBLE PRAT OF A HUSBAND? THEY SEEM TO HAVE GONE MISSING.

LUNA SUSPECTS NARGLES.

WHAT THE FUCK'S A NARGLE IS WHAT I WANT TO KNOW.